2020

Why, hello there. Long time no chat.

Wow. Where do I begin? 2019. Well it wasn’t my favorite year. The best thing to happen to us was finishing our home and moving in. For that, I am eternally grateful (building a house is STRESSFUL). 2019 was a year that I look back on, and honestly feel like I lost myself. I know, that is pretty cliche. The first week of the new year, everyone is trying to better themselves and screaming “New Year, New Me!” but I don’t want to do that. Yea, it’s a New Year, heck even a new decade. But I am still me. Same Tabatha Coffey Bacon (I swear I need to play this whole blogging thing off my name, I mean it’s pretty great) I have been. Wanna know the best part? I am 100% okay with that.

2019 was the year I let every little thing that could crawl in front of me, in my life. I let things bother me that shouldn’t have. I stopped doing things that I loved, and let other people’s opinions bother me way more than they actually should have. I let petty things, like someone copying my blog, make me so angry that I almost stopped working on my blog forever. I let hurtful words reside inside my heart until I became bitter. I let other people’s wrongs weigh me down. I faced trials of my own that I thought I could never come back from.

2019 was the year Tyler and I faced a challenge that I wish we did not have to face, but it made us stronger, and so much more excited for our future. You see, Tyler and I have been trying to grow our family since June of 2018. The first 6 months were just non-preventative. Beginning in January 2019, I started seeing my Midwife about our issues. We tried a few rounds of medicine with no luck. It was either extreme reactions to the medicine, or no reaction at all. So after those trials, we were referred to a fertility specialist. To no one’s fault but my own, I waited a while to contact this doctor. Just to be honest, I was having a very hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I needed to see a specialist. So when I called to make an appointment they were SEVERAL months out. I went ahead and scheduled for the next available date (January 21, 2020), and just hoped we could conceive and not have to go through those treatments.

Come September, (multiple negatives later) I just felt different. I can’t explain it to you. I truly felt that I was pregnant, but once again a negative test. Fast forward a few weeks, I had severe pain, and what I thought to be a heavy menstrual cycle. I called the Midwife and she asked me to take a test and call her back. I assured her I was not pregnant, as I had taken a test at the beginning of the month and it was negative. Well, apparently I had taken it about 30 seconds too soon. I was pregnant, and I was miscarrying. I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart, I have never felt emotions like I did when that result was shown. Again, I do not know how to describe what I felt, but just know that was the happiest, most heartbreaking moment of my life so far. Tyler and I are looking at it in a positive light. For 18 months, we could not conceive and were beginning to wonder if we ever would. Now we know we can. We are still scheduled to go to the Fertility Specialist on January 21st, and we are leaving it all in God’s hands.

2019 was a year that I lost sight of what was most important. God. I had been hurt, I had been mad, I had just been down right offended. Instead of realizing that it was NOT God’s fault, I took it out on him. I hate admitting this, but I stopped going to church. We found it so much easier to just sleep in, or do our running around on Sundays. Because of the lack of me putting God first, my life was not anything near what I wanted it to be. I lost friendships. I lost mentors. By the grace of God, some of our best friends invited us to come to their church with them. For the first time in a long time, I feel at home at a church. By no means, are we perfect Christians, and we are still trying to get back in the habit of going as much as we should; but we found somewhere we can worship together. That, my friends, is an amazing feeling.

All of this to say 2020 is going to be the year of me getting back to me. I am NOT going to set New Year’s Resolutions. I AM going to set goals. And I am going to work hard on those goals. 2020 is going to be the year I get my close relationship back with God. 2020 is going to be the year we focus on getting out of as much debt as we can. 2020 is going to be the year I read 20 books. You heard (read) that right TWENTY. And what I hope and pray, is 2020 is the year that God allows our family to grow. It is all in His will and His timing is perfect timing. I want 2020 to be the year that I can hopefully inspire someone to get back to their roots. To grow how God intended them to grow. Not how society wants us to grow. I am the worlds worst to compare my life to everyone on Instagram’s. The secret is, God made you, you. There is only ONE of you in this world, sister. Embrace it.

Now tell me, what are some of your goals for 2020?
I’ll be looking forward to reading all about them.
Until next time,
T